Why Infertility Sucks!!!!

I was thinking about this last night before bed…infertility does really suck…These are the reasons it sucks for me:

  1. I feel broken inside…A “normal” couple usually can get pregnant within a year of trying naturally…I fucking have not used protection in close to 4 yrs and I couldnt even get “accidentally” pregnancy…what a waste of using protection all those years with my husband
  2. Depression!!!  Every BFN I have had causes me to get depressed and I can usually get out of by just thinking positive but it gets harder and harder
  3. Fear…I have the fear that what if we cant get pregnant…what do I do then?
  4. I feel like I am letting my husband down…my husband is wonderful and loves kids…what if I cant give that to him…I know he says we would adopt but I wonder if deep down he would feel sad not to have his own biological children
  5. Regret…should we have tried earlier?  I am 31 now which I know is still young but still…
  6. Anger…I feel angry that some people can get pregnant sooo easily and we cant…there are crack heads who can get pregnant and dont deserve to but the people who would love a child 100% and give them everything cant have a baby
  7. Finances…we are very lucky to have insurance that covers infertility treatment but we still have to pay something towards them and everytime we have a failure its more money we have to shell out
  8. I am becoming less happy…in general I am a happy person but I have been noticing that my patience is waning and I think I can attribute it to the infertility treatments
  9. I hate that I keep this all to myself…I am a private person so not many people know…only my sister in law, a co-worker and my husband know…I dont know if I am ashamed to say it to people or I just dont want the pity…I dont want anyone to pity us
  10. My life revolves around infertility treatments…for the past year it has been scheduling my life around appointments and medications….I want my life back!!!
  11. Resent…my friend is having a baby this week …she told me years ago that she really didnt want to have kids and now she is having one before I am…I dont want to resent anyone for being able to conceive but its hard since I feel like everyone around me is having a baby
  12. I hate when people ask me when we plan on having kids…FUCK!!!  Do you want to know when we have sex too…what a question…I wish I could answer…”well my embryos are in the freezer and once my uterine lining is thick enough is when my Dr. will implant them so in about 2 weeks and 5 hrs I should be pregnant barring any implantation issues”
  13. I am sad that we wont have that aha moment and I can surprise my husband…you watch TV and movies and its usually a pleasant surprise and that will not be the case for us
  14. I hate not really knowing what the cause for our infertility is…I have PCOS but that should not have caused my IVF failure
  15. Suffering…the suffering in waiting for the realization that a cycle failed SUCKS!!!
  16. Pain…the crying each month is getting worse and worse
  17. The waiting is the WORSE!!!  It seems like you are always waiting for something!!!
  18. You have to learn that patience is a virtue when dealing with infertility
  19. Questions…I find myself questioning my infertility journey sometimes and what I could have done differently…should I have stayed on bed rest after my embryo transfer or stopped drinking caffeine…all the what if moments…
  20. I hate thinking I am a failure when I know I am not…

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18 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. infertileginger
    Aug 15, 2012 @ 18:13:12

    I’m currently dealing with having my best friend who never wanted kids being pregnant. It sucks, it’s horrible and it’s ruining our friendship. I hate it. We’re fully entitled to have “I hate Infertility days”, in my opinion.

    Reply

  2. evelynnross
    Aug 15, 2012 @ 17:11:52

    I’ve always wondered if my miscarriage was caused by my high testosterone level from my PCOS. The doctor won’t agree with me, but it seems like if my body doesn’t have enough female hormone, it wouldn’t be able to handle a pregnancy? I don’t know, makes sense to me!
    Those medications from fertility treatments make me INSANE. I couldn’t handle them for the 5 months I was on them. I was so depressed and out of my mind crazy. It is completely normal.. and you’ve been on them for a year?! You be as sad and crazy as you want, you deserve it for putting up with that amount of meds!

    Reply

  3. mypreconceivedlife
    Aug 15, 2012 @ 21:01:49

    re #12: you SHOULD say that to people! That would be amazing. Hang in there lady. Every step forward is one step closer. You will get there.

    Reply

  4. Leighann
    Aug 16, 2012 @ 12:25:55

    #12- I’ve adopted a policy of telling the truth if directly asked. They usually feel a lot worse after the conversation than I do. Maybe it’s mean but we have to do what we can to get through each day.

    Reply

  5. Faith
    Aug 16, 2012 @ 23:46:54

    All of this is so true! #12 cracked me up! Thanks for making me laugh.

    Reply

  6. Dawn Davenport
    Aug 17, 2012 @ 07:10:16

    You are so very right about everyone of these things. I’m sending you cyber-hugs and thanks for such an insightful post.

    Dawn Davenport
    Host of Creating a Family: Talk about Infertility and Adoption
    Creating a Family, a non-profit providing education and resources for Infertility and Adoption
    http://www.CreatingaFamily.org

    Reply

  7. gardengirl29
    Aug 23, 2012 @ 22:10:36

    This is a really great post. You’ve hit the nail on the head, and I identify with your feelings so much. Hugs. I’m so sorry.

    I’m the same way as Leighann with regard to #12. I get a bit of satisfaction from making people feel crappy for being nosy.

    Reply

  8. Lilly
    Aug 26, 2012 @ 06:49:53

    #13 – that is the one I think I absolutely hate the most!!!!!!! I’ll NEVER get to have that moment when I can run to my husband in the morning after POAS and say “omg, baby, guess what???!” nope – we will never ever get that moment in our lives. 😦

    sigh. hugs to you! great list! 🙂

    Reply

  9. Andra Pike
    Oct 03, 2012 @ 00:49:33

    Very insightful and so, so true! Wow, very brilliant. Reading this, I thought, “This is me!” I cannot believe how painful infertility is and how it continues to drag on and on.

    Reply

  10. Mikie
    Mar 02, 2013 @ 09:33:54

    I feel for everyone going through IVF! My wife and I met at age 25. We decided to work on careers and money first. We decided to get married over 30. We decided to try for kids a year after we got married. Bu then we were together for 7 plus years. Had a nice house, cars, and a stable income. We traveled and got to spend a lot of money on things we wanted. Were were proud of this as we watched late teens and early 20s women with kids waiting for the bus or people we knew who husband or Bf left for good. Of one stayed at home and the other worked 24/7 and the relationship went bad because one was never home.
    After one year of trying we found out we both had problems. It took us 3 years of ivf to get pregnant with our 2 sons. But they only made it to 5 months. I got to hold them alive for 1 hour before they passed away. It really sucked. We got pregnant again with twins and they made it all the way! It was a long 5 years of trying and it made our marriage very strong. It took longer for us. But i promiced myself growing up i would not be like my dad who worked all the time just to provide and never did things one on one. Now I can spend all my time with my kids and have a great life. All of you people trying do not give up. Its us who want kids. It sucks to see people have kids who are poor and do not give a crap. Its not fair. Its bad enough to be asked all of the time when are u going to have kids!

    Reply

  11. Lesley-Anne
    Jul 18, 2013 @ 17:22:10

    i agree, i hate it and feel broken, i have been able to get pregnant and have had 1 healthy pregnancies but ive had 4 mc where my body just wont accept the baby. heart ache, pain, and insecurity are just 3 of the things that i feel on a daily basis.

    Reply

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