Thoughts on Becoming a Mother…

There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better.
I will be better not because of genetics, or money or that I have read more books, but because I have struggled and toiled for this child.
I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed.
I have endured and planned over and over again.
Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.
I will notice everything about my child.
I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.
I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me.
I count myself lucky in this sense; this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see.
Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that I will adopt, I will not be careless with my love.
I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain.
I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body, I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall.
I have prevailed.
I have succeeded.
I have won.
So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.
I listen.
And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immerse power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes.
I have learned to appreciate life.
Yes I will be a wonderful mother.

I don’t intend this to offend or upset anyone. I don’t think women whom fall pregnant easily are not good mothers or anything like that.

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4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. ivfmale
    Aug 29, 2012 @ 10:07:19

    That was beautiful.

    I know dealing with IF has forced me to grow in ways that will make me a better parent. Growth I would not have had otherwise.

    Still sucks, though maybe a little less now. 🙂

    Reply

  2. sams
    Aug 29, 2012 @ 14:41:17

    Beautiful. I couldn’t have said it better myself. 🙂

    Reply

  3. KayBee
    Aug 29, 2012 @ 23:11:43

    Love this… So true!

    Reply

  4. bustababy
    Aug 30, 2012 @ 09:47:07

    I absolutely love this post ! I feel the exact same way. We will have our children one day and we will be amazing mothers. I know this. either by carrying , adopting , or someone else carrying. No matter what we will love them like no other. ❤

    Reply

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